Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
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