South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
