Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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