Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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