so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
