So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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