Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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