Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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