Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
