you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
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