I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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