I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
