he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
