You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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