while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
