I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
