I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
