why im i the only drunk person in the library?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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