I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
