well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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