Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
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I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
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Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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