I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
