no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
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Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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