fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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