I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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