she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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