office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
