did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're a waste of cheezeits
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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