It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
