I didn't shave. On purpose
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just said "fuck circus"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize