hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
