$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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