My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
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Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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