Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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