drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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