A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
