I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
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I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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