sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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