I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Sex in the backyard? Check.
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