Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
