He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
