Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
