How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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