A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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