idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
