she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
