Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
