you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
