WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
