she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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