I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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