This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
