just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
