I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
