idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
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