you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
