he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
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My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
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Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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