I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
