So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
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The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.