Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
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I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.