i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with