Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance