the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.