That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
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They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"