If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts