My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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