glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
