I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
