I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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