You're so nebulous sometimes
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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